garden's gettin' knocked up

My garden is about to get so pregnant, you guys. Is that gross? It's a little gross. But I'm going to continue on with this analogy, so let's all just be adults and accept the fact that sex is a natural part of life, and that lots of sex happens in gardens.

So there's been a lot of foreplay happening over the last few weeks. I've been really workin' it, diggin' deep, fluffin' it up, prepping' it to it's most fertile potential (eeeeewwwwww!). And now... IT'S READY. We're gonna DO IT. I'm gonna plant 'er up.

Nice, right? Just added some peat and manure (sexy hey?), and I've got two little cold frame/portable greenhouse things for my tenders. MORE LIKE TENDER LOVIN'. 

These are my handy tools (and the small mountain of stones and clay that I've dug up) that have served me well in the wooing of my lil' plot. I should've also included my spine in this photo. I've "let my backbone slide" on many occasions while working with my love. The things we do!

This is one of my sod stashes. Love isn't always pretty, and sometimes there's a bit of, uhmm... unpleasantness that is better off kept out of sight.

Another sod stash (behind the shed). 

Another stash. Like the Fraggles' trash pile, only all grass and dirt. It tells stories about worms, mainly. 

Between gardening and baking, my hands are the ugliest hands. When people tell me I look young, I tell them to look at my hands and then they're like, "oh so you're 50 then?" Ps. my thumb isn't actually that huge. But if it was it'd be preeeeetty handy in the ol' boudoir, eh? Hey?

 My herb boxes are birthing little herbs! It's GLORIOUS.

 Babies! These are also some of my pepper seedlings, they're just hanging out with the tomatoes temporarily until I transplant them into the garden.

 Can't even say how in love I am with this dirt (and that's one of Vera's new yard/wind decorations). Also, the garage is dingy. Soon the plants will pretty it up though.

 And these things are growing around the house! Don't know what they are yet, but I'm sure they'll be lovely. Sexin' it up! (just threw that in because I realized I was losing the sex-theme)

 Lilac trees are lilac-ing!

Apple tree is gettin' it on!

Spring feeeeevveeerrrr!!! Perfect for Mother's Day. I mean, I have kids too, so I'm a real mom as well. But generally Mother's Day is the weekend that I am at my peak of garden obsession. Fertility is in the air and everything wants to make the love! Wooooooo!

hoppy spring, everyone.

My garden is inching its way into existence and I am puuuuummped! The drama has begun! I seriously wish there was a reality gardening show. It's SO exciting! "She's put the seedlings out... HOW WILL THEY TAKE IT? One of them is looking droopy, WILL IT SURVIVE THE TRANSPLANT??" It never ends, you guys! I can't even imagine how thrilling and stressful it must have been for people who had to rely on their crops and gardens for survival. I enjoy it as a side-hobby, but maaaaaan it had to have been nerve wracking (as well as monumentally fulfilling) to have had to bank your life on the elements. CRAZY. 

Okay anyway: 

Transplanted most of the heirloom tomatoes and am now hardening them off. Poly is the most useful thing ever! Instant little greenhouses!

Best pal ex's are the best – mine in particular. He built this sweet mini-greenhouse/cold frame so I can start my tenders (melons & squash) in the ground a bit earlier. I'm determined to get melons, goddammit!! Nothing's gonna stop me now.

And this is my slowly-forming plot. Can I get a hollah for my back? I've tilled all of this by hand/pitchfork, starting last fall and working on it bit by bit as the ground thawed. Almost there! Just 2/3 of lump/sod sifting left! If you see me and I have disproportionally developed lower back muscles, this is why. Oh and watch out cuz my back muscles will punch your wimpy back muscles.

Also I've discovered that, even though it's filled with drama and emotional rollercoastering, gardening is the one thing that can ease my mind no matter what. It's like a brain massage and I love it more than Alias' words can say. Didn't catch that reference? Here:

http://youtu.be/RM146mVPttY

Now you know.

so close... soooooo close. Spring 2011.

The girls are nappin and my garden obsession is bursting outta me with all this sunshine, so I snagged the new camera and wandered around the yard sighing...

Seeeedlings! These are inside, of course. But lookit 'em go! These are the heirloom tomatoes.

The peppers (on the left) are coming along sooooo slowly, and some of them didn't come up at all. Lazy.

This is my garden plot. I'm gonna make it about 3' wider. I put a giant snowball on it because the wall tends to heat the area a lot, making it a bit dry. This'll be something I'll have to watch during the summer. The melons will love it though!

Oh hey, apple tree. You're going to be really pretty in a few weeks.

CAN'T WAIT. Srsly. Some of these things were bday presents (BEST bday presents). I had to restock since the landlord owned everything at the last place.

This is just yard porn. I love it with all of my soul.

All of the tomatoes and herbs will sit along the edge of these steps. It will be glorious.

Not the most interesting pic, but that's one of our lilacs. This yard will seriously be paradise soon.

Oh hi, house. Wildflowers will go in the front. Sigh sigh sigh.

Smug selfer!! Look at how happy I am that my skin will soon be not translucent! Hooray for nice weather!!

March is trollin - U mad?

Yeah yeah, it's only March and I KNOW spring is coming soon, but maaaaaaaaaaaaan. I'm cranky. I've also spent way too much of today on the internet and my crankiness is thus exacerbated, but still.

Anyway, here are my seedlings. They are also cranky because the sun decided to stop hanging out as soon as they popped up. Thanks a lot, SUN.

Nice job, guys. 

Even the garage looks grumpy?

And this is kind of a testament to my internetting. My front yard. It's snowing the troll meme face. The troll meme is a jerk that enjoys annoying people, and says stuff like "u mad?". Troll snow. And yes, yes I am.

Kay the snow is actually nice and wet and heavy, so like, I guess we should go out and make snowmen or something? Thing about that is, it's really fun to make snowmen when it's wintertime and your brain is in wintertime mode. When it's springtime and everything looks like this, I'm more prone to staying inside in protest. We'll get out there, though. For the children. For the children.

OMGarden bloggin' 2011

AWE YEAH. New season in da hoooooooouuuuuuuuuusssse! And by house I mean 3B zooooooooooonnnnne!

Just ordered my batch of organic seeds from Salt Spring Seeds. Peat pots will get rolling asap, yo!

As I mentioned in previous posts, I'll have a nice, big sunny patch this year and I'm SO PUMPED.

Here's what's coming in the mail wooooooooooooo:

Black Prince heirloom tomatoes. I grew these last year and they beat all the other varieties as far as production and flavour. So delicious. The girls ate them like apples. And they're called Black Princes which makes them dangerous and sexy.

Taxi heirloom tomatoes. Haven't tried them yet, but they are cute and yellow so... hey? Yeah? Early determinate variety lemon-sized and sweet in salads boooooooooyeaaaaaaaaaah.

"Tiger Tom" heirloom tomatoes. I wanted a novelty type for fun. Plus I can call their juice tiger blood and then I can call myself Charlie Sheen. Who's sick of Ch'sheen jokes can I get a hollaaaaaahhhhh?

"Gardener's Delight". Little plum variety. And they damn well better delight me.

Etkezesi sweet peppers. I couldn't find a pic of them though. They're a high yielding Hungarian heirloom. Yellow to orange, thick-walled, sweet. Awesommmeee!

Ancho hot pepper. Thought it'd be nice to add some heat to the harvest this year. Whoa I should be an extreme garden announcer! "THIS YEAR ADD SOME HEAT TO THE HARVEST WITH EXTREME ANCHOS. THEY WILL EXPLODE YOUR SUPPER FOODS WITH THEIR INCREDISPICE".

Styrian Pumpkin. You can eat the entire seed from these dudes! THE ENTIRE SEED. Like, uncooked. What sort of magic is this, pumpkin king? The rest of the pumpkin can be eaten like zucchini and used in soups or stir fries so yeah.

Noir Des Carmes melon. Yes I'm tying melons AGAIN. Hopefully my sweet south-facing garden wall will be a good enough home for them and I'll actually get one GD melon. They're touted as "one of the easiest to grow and most luxurious of melons". SWAG MELONS.

Lutz Beets. Not super interesting pics of them so whatevs, but they're good beets and I really like their name. LUTZ. It's so internet fresh!!

Aaaaaannnd Scarlet Nantes Carrots. High carrot fivers! Boomshackalacka or something.

Of course, I'll be planting plenty more than this, such as lettuce, corn, cucumbers, herbs, eggplants, peas, and whatever else I have room for. Seriously so excited. So so super excited. I cannot wait for the drama, the love, and the trashtalkin. There should for real be a gardening reality tv show. SO exciting all the time!

season end and sweet starts

So we totally moved and our new place is totally A+++. I pulled up all the remaining plants and I'm hoping that I get some serious indoors ripening action in the next few weeks. I have mega plans for next year, and I'll be prepping my new plot next week. Here are some pics of my current garden life:

I'll put in a 4' wide by 12' long plot in front of the garage. All day sun and warm south facing wall, betches! Mike's gonna do a lean-to greenhouse for the springtime too, so don't be surprised if my garden kicks all y'alls gardens asses next year. P.S: landlords totes gonna repaint the deck and house/garage exterior in the spring. Beat that! Also, that trashy looking cardboard box is drying after the rain, Vera and Dot play in it alla the times.

Garden shed filled with garden things. Boom. Also, that happens to be an apple tree that grows small fist-sized apples. Double boom.

MY KITCHEN. FOR ME. So many cakes and jams and preserves will be born here. Makes me a lil misty-eyed just thinking about it.

Lazy shot of the final harvest IN. YOUR. FACES. We got a big bag o' dill, two paper bags o' sweet peppers (ripen, damn yooouuuuu!), a bigass bag of heirloom tomatoes (with an apple in there for ripening encouragement), a summer squash, and an eggplant. SNAP. BAM. BOOM.

You guys aren't even gonna know how to handle how amazing my garden will be next year. Juz sayin. Gawd this post is so gangsta fresh! 

pickling season!

And by pickling season, I of course mean that I have pickled one jar of carrots. OPEN A WINDA, THIS KITCHEN IS BUSTIN.

cosmic purple pickled carrots. no biggie.